at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
