The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
