moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and she was petting her beer can
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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