I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
