Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
