It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
