I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
