dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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