What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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