UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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