why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
