Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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