tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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