my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
meet me or not, i'm out of control
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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