It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
