just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
