I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
