I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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