Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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