i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
