please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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