i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
