The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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