Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
