At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The Olympian is in my bed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
