i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
how does that bad decision feel?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
