i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
