I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
