someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
