Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
