she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
