I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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