the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
