I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
