There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
