More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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