Nicole vs. Life
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
