Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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