You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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