I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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