My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
