Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
