White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
