I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
