who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
