Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
