conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
