feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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