Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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