ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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