i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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