I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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